Reasons to hate people part 1.

I work on a checkout in a supermarket where the target market is the lower middle to middle classes, in a rather affluent town housing a prestigious private school. I won't name the supermarket for legal reasons and I don't really want to get fired for my blog.

I don't know what it is about supermarkets, but they seem to bring out the absolute cock in people. Normally civilised, relatively nice people turn into utter pricks as soon as they set foot through the automatic doors. Here's some customers that I absolutely hate.

1) The 'offers' brigade. 
Anyone who's worked in a supermarket will probably recognise this, and most of those on the list. The people that come to the till with things they believe are on offer, and watch the screen like a hawk to make sure they get their offer. It's then that I get things like this.
"Is that on offer? It didn't come up yet. Don't overcharge me, it's on offer!" 
Yes. It's on offer. No matter how many times I explain this, the offers come up at the end of the transaction. This is the least annoying thing about these people though.
Some people see an offer tag on the shelf and assume everything around it is included in it. One of our offers included a free packet of crisps with a sandwich and a drink; but it was clearly labeled that not everything was included. I then had to explain to a gaggle of cawing women that they hadn't got the offer because IT'S NOT FUCKING INCLUDED. Then I had to listen to them bitching about the supermarket and how it's their fault.
No you fucking useless bitches, it's your fault that you can't read. You held up 5 people in the queue because you didn't want to pay 38p for the crisps, and it's your own fucking fault, alright?

These people go hand in hand with
2) The reduced shoppers. 
They're the ones that buy nothing but reduced things. At the end of the day any fresh breads or cakes are reduced to try and clear them before closing time, which makes perfect sense really. One thing people do is, while i'm working out how many of something there are and what it is, tell me 'they're 13p each.'  I don't actually care how much they are and you telling me how much it is isn't going to help me get you through quicker when you've rammed so many in a bag that I can't fucking tell what it is. But I had one customer that I wanted to punch in the head. A guy who didn't speak very good English, who had a lot of one type of cake along with a load of other products that were reduced. I scanned them through and the exchange went like this.
'Reduced, they reduced.'
'I'm sorry sir?' 
'They reduced.' 
I double check the screen. They're not reduced as they keep fresh for longer than a day. 'Sir, these aren't included in the reductions' 
'No! They reduced! 15p each! I show you, they reduced!' 
At this point I called my manager, because fuck off am I going to sit arguing about some donuts. I explained to her what the problem is and he says the exact same things to her.
'No sir, these aren't included in the reduced prices' 
He kept on and on and on until she let him have them for 10p each because we couldn't deal with the stress anymore.
To make matters worse, he came back 10 minutes later to complain that one of the other things he was buying wasn't reduced and he'd paid £2 for it. TWO FUCKING QUID.
The nerve of some people really pisses me off. You are never entitled to a discount, or a reduction, and should be damn grateful that we offer them at all.

There's also a special breed of reduced shopper, who pisses me off no end. They take reduced labels off other produce and stick it to their shopping. I ask these customers- what the fuck do you take me for? Reduced labels have the product on them when they come up on the screen, and I am sure as hell going to notice when a beef joint comes up as a reduced yoghurt. I'll just take the label off it, and I'll charge you full price. Then when you complain, I'll point out that somehow this reduced label ended up on your shopping when it's for an entirely different product. Weird that eh?

3) Customers that ignore the checkout worker. 
This happens so much. As part of my job, I have to say hi, I have to be friendly and make a bit of a conversation. I can't do this if you're standing not facing me, talking on the phone, talking between each other or just being plain rude, glancing at me and then looking away. You lot are cunts. No other way of putting it. If I ask you if you want a bag, I don't want the response to be 'mm'. Would you like your olives wrapped? Hello sir! Sir..? sir...... OI WANKSTAIN, I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU. If I ignored you, you'd demand to see my manager and have me fired.

Also people that mumble. 'Would you like a bag?' 'mm.' 'any cashback?' 'm..mm.m.m.' I ain't fucking telepathic, you actually have to talk to me. If you can't handle human contact go to the fucking self check out.

4) I'm just running off to get something! ... for half an hour 
Whether or not this is fine depends on a few things. Where you are in the queue, how busy it is, etc. If there's 5 people behind you, and you run off to get something, you're an absolute complete and utter jizz rag and I hope you slip on a mushroom. If you're last or it's pretty quiet, fine. But either way when you've been gone for ages, I will start ringing other people through whether you like it or not.

That's it for now, more when more people piss me off I suppose.

Why gangstas and hipsters can fuck off.

I might as well start off with one thing that's been annoying me for months now.

It's this new trend , mostly with guys, of this ghetto gangsta style thing. Snapback hats, shirts that just have one big slogan on them from some hip-hop brand, 'street' shoes... Pretty sure most people will know what I'm talking about.

Most of the guys I've met that join in with this trend are middle class white kids. Parents are business oriented, mortgage paying upstanding members of society, went to good schools and colleges... They wouldn't know street if the crips turned up at their door and battered them to a bloody pulp. It looks ridiculous. But that's not the only annoyance.  The attitude and speech is just as irritating. It's this whole white-kids-talking-like-they're-black thing.

'Yo girl, you got a well peng body girl, ya gonna let me get on that?'

Peng? Is this how you hit on girls now? And get on what? The only thing you're getting on is a stretcher when you're on the way to hospital to have a snapback removed from your rectum if you dare try using a line like that on me.

I have to say, I laughed my ass off this morning when I read one of these kids complaining that 'everyone was wearing this stuff now'. Who does this sound like?

Hipsters.

Those rich kids that buy expensive clothes to make them look like they're poor, they do things 'differently' to try and be original, they like bands and groups no one's heard of and drop them like rocks when they get 'too mainstream'. If it wasn't instinct they'd stop breathing because everyone else does it; and maybe they should. Complain about corporations while holding a starbucks coffee, completely ignorant to the fact that they look like every other fucker in a hole ridden knitted jumper and chinos.

What kind of real street kid would be able to afford these things? It's taking the piss out of those that actually live in these kind of street conditions. Hip hop artists may make it seem totally cool, but I can damn near guarantee that the people wearing these expensive ghetto clothes wouldn't last 5 minutes in a real street environment. Same with the hipsters who spend so much  on looking like they shopped in a salvation army bin. It's pretty offensive actually. People in deprived areas will probably never get the chance to enjoy a life that privileged, and making it into some sort of trivialised style for the rich kids is seriously taking the piss.

Go back to your trust funds and stop acting like such dicks.

2 years later...

I shut this blog in December of 2009 and it's nearly 2 years later that I've decided to open it back up. 

I could say something profound here, I could say that I've missed writing and I could say that I've grown up so much in the 2 years that I've been away from the blogging universe. 

... But then, I'd be lying.

This is actually quite possibly the shittest introductory post on a blog.  I imagined it being all awesome, like the return of Gandalf or something, but it's not. Quite the load of balls actually. 

Anyway. I'm back. I'm pissed off. I'm short. I'm faux-redhead. 

Bring on the rage.