Time.

What is time? How long are seconds, without using the term second, and what keeps it all so rhythmic? How can we, when we have these clocks, that show illusions, lose track of time and make seconds feel like minutes, minutes feel like nothing and forget all we did in the last 5 unreal minutes?
What are moments? Who made time? Society runs around time, time is necessary, time is everywhere, but what is time itself? Did we make it up?
24 hours in a day, but what is a day? What is an hour?

If there was no time would we feel the same with the same values?
Does time really exist?
Imagine a world where clocks don't exist, where there are no seconds, hours, minutes, days, because no one ever invented it, but they invented nothing anyway, because time has always been here; but has it? Is it even here now? On and on and on I spend my minutes, seconds, hours, days, thinking about what to do with the rest of my limited time; but is it really limited? Or have we as ourselves tricked ourselves into believing in it?

Can minutes be seconds and seconds to days, days to hours months to decades? How are we aware that time does not stop for millions of years and we freeze where we are, with all thought processes paused like a big virtual game, how can we tell if we are real? When it unpauses we don't know, like a character in a game, how can we tell if those we see each day are real or not?

What is reality?





One thing I know for sure,

The bread still doesn't fit in the fucking toaster.

Kevlar tits.

As per usual I've been on unreal tournament, blowing people up and being blown up and generally thinking oh mah gawd this game is so awesome that I want to play it all day and not stop but I don't have any energy drinks and i'm tired so I can't.
When my character got shot, she slumped to the ground and I managed to see her without her corpse melting into the floor in a green electrical surge.

WHY DOES SHE HAVE HER TITS OUT.

No wonder she keeps dying, she's got all this fuck off armour on and yet she's showing off her nunga nungas. So I started thinking, that if she's not going to cover up..
why not get Kevlar breast implants. That'd also do her a favour.
They wouldn't bounce, they wouldn't jiggle if she turned around too fast, they would hardly move...sounds good. However if I was running up to stab someone in the chest but my knife wouldn't go in I'd be like whoah... -stab....stab....stab- then just stab them in eye because fuck, I was going to kill them anyway. But still it would be rather awesome to have kevlar breasts. It would also make use of the distraction technique.
Well. You guys try and tell me that if a girl with massive boobs ran at you with a machine gun with her tits out you wouldn't know where to look? Should you be a gentleman and politely look away? should you take advantage of the fact theres boobs infront of you? Or should you look at the gun that's just shot you in the face?

I am

I am a huge geek, really. I'm not a nerd- not always got my head in a book, can't do calculus and my shirt is not tucked into my underwear. Now we have those stereotypes out of the way, let me put it into perspective.

1) I'm having JFP.exe has encountered a fatal error. Process terminated. Error report not sent. On my tombstone, made to look like a BSOD. I don't know how many of you will get that. And no i'm not going to die yet, just so you know.
2) I say things like Lol, rofl, roflwaffle, roflcopter...outside of my computer.
3) I use internet memes outside of the internet on unsuspecting people.
'Jade give me back my pen'
'All your pen are belong to me!'
'What the fuck, just give me back the pen'
'Blue pen is blue.'
'Yes..it is...'
'I can has pen?'
'GIVE ME THE FUCKING PEN'
'RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGEEEE'
4) I spend about 8 hours a day on a computer.
5) If i'm not on the computer I am thinking about what i'm going to do on the computer when I get home.
6) Scart leads, USB cables, Ethernet cables..I know where they go what they do and what they look like.
7) I hate macs and can give several reasons why.
8) I know HTML coding. Not all of it, that'd be veeeery difficult. I also know it stands for Hypertext Markup Language.
9) I'm definately not a n00b.
10) Trekkie.
11) Kirk > Picard.
12) My favourite comeback in arguements is BITCH, I'M BLOGGING THIS.
13) I go glossy eyed at the sight of Alienware laptops and gaming computers.
14) When I go into game shops, the assistants think I want 'girlie' games. I instantly ask where the FPS games are.
15) I did understand the matrix.
16) Om nom marvel comics.
17) I still hail the Playstation 1 and Sega cartridge games.
18) I can whistle the entire super mario brothers theme tune.
19) I kept my gameboy and I still play it.
20) I can mesh my own sims 2 objects.
21) I don't mesh my own sims 2 objects because £30 for Milkshape is so not worth it.
22) I'm boycotting EA games due to their horrible customer support.


Aaaand you know what?
I like it.

Live long and prosper, unless you're an idiot then go play with fireworks.

A breadless concept.

Possibly one of the only in depth food related posts I will ever make.
Can you imagine a world with no bread?

Like really imagine, there was no bread or bread products eg Bagels. What would you do?
With no bread, there would be no:
Sammiches, so what would you do with that bacon?
Rolls, so what would you put in the basket on the restaurant table?
Bagels, so what would you do with the cream cheese?
Tasty smells by bakeries, so why bother going to a bakery anyway?
Naan, so what would you do with the rest of the curry sauce?

(I'm feeling sick talking about food in this post but I'll carry on anyway)

and there would be no toast.
No. Toast.
Anywhere. No toast to be found. No cheese on toast, no buttered toast, no toast at all with anything on it.

Which means that most of the jokes for this show:


Wouldn't exist. That means the show wouldn't be funny so no one would watch it, depriving children everywhere of a decent cartoon to watch while eating their toast- BUT THERE IS NO TOAST. No toast means a breakfast is gone, the eggs are lonely, the butter is untouched, and who would buy a toaster if there was no bread to be toasted?
The kitchen appliances market would lose revenue and probably crash without toasters, because no one would have tea and toast anymore. If they didn't have tea with their toast, or toast with their tea, they'd need neither a kettle nor a toaster.

Everyone knows Breakfast is important and everyone recommends eating it (yet I don't. I'm hardcore and don't listen to rules like that.) but what would happen if there was no bread? what would many commuters have for breakfast? Toast is convenient and fast, and tasty and epic. You cannot take a bowl of cereal with you on a morning commute, it will spill all over the train. Then if you dont have breakfast, you can't concentrate at work. Then you get fired. Everywhere people are getting fired for not concentrating driving unemployment up and straining the taxpayer, who is also getting fired at an alarming rate meaning they can't afford to pay tax! if they can't afford to pay tax who will fund the schools and hospitals? Children will leave with no qualifications because there isn't enough money for text books. Speaking of them, if they have no breakfast, they can't concentrate either, so they're wasting their time as zombies with no breakfast, unable to learn a thing. Skilled workers would fall into a standstill, no wages paid and no work being done. The whole world would grind to a halt.

Humanity would die out as people desperately tried to find a solution to this global catastrophe.



So STOP.




And thank your baker.

Sharing my stupidity with the world.

Right so just now, about 15 minutes ago I realised I need to change the light bulb in a lamp I broke. No comment on how. So I go downstairs to get the lightbulb, no worries, go into the bathroom for the only reason you ever go into the bathroom, and find a bottle of bleach. Reading the back for no reason whatsoever I see the words

USE UNDER THE RIM TO PROTECT YOU FROM FLYING TOILET GERMS.

Flying toilet germs gave me the mental image of MRSA and E Coli in biplanes and pilot goggles, having a dogfight over my toilet, so I go to eliminate these airborne terrorist pilots and realise you can't even use the bleach under the rim of the toilet anyway. Stupid bleach manufacturer.

So I find the can of oust surface disinfectanty stuff, and suddenly see a spider above the fridge, so I sprayed it with the oust. It didn't do much, unlike the other day when I got a spider in my sink and poked it down the plug hole, it crawled back out. tried to wash it down, didn't go down. So I poked it down the plug hole and poured bleach down the drain, meaning the spider is now dead, bleach covered, but mostly dead, This other spider now just smells like old ladies and is nice and clean.

Then I see an old clarinet book and have a flick through that, thinking of all this stuff I could play tomorrow instead of actually doing the homework I should be doing like I have today, then see the kettle and think yeah actually a cup of tea would be cool right now, so I flick it on, brother comes in and puts his cup down too and as usual, we get into a mock ninja fight in the kitchen, complete with sound effects. Finish making tea, pick up clarinet book, go back upstairs.

Forgot light bulb.

Go back downstairs, look for light bulbs, return victorious thinking I have won the battle.

IT DIDN'T FUCKING FIT.